Therapy for Men Who Struggle with Sex and Intimacy

Finding your way back to presence, pleasure, and connection

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Does it feel like you're carrying weight that no one else can see?

Maybe sex feels like a performance. You're so focused on doing it "right" or lasting long enough or making sure your body responds the way it's "supposed to" that you're not even present for what's happening.

You might feel completely disconnected from your body during sex. It's like you're watching yourself from the outside, going through the motions, but the pleasure that's supposed to be there feels out of reach.

You're not even sure what you actually desire anymore, beneath all the noise of what you're supposed to want. You're following a script you never consciously chose, and somewhere along the way, your own desires got buried under layers of expectation, performance, and shame.

Your sexual behavior doesn't match your values, and that gap creates constant guilt. Maybe you're using porn in ways that feel compulsive or pursuing sexual experiences that leave you feeling empty afterward. You tell yourself you'll stop, that tomorrow will be different, but the pattern keeps repeating.

Or maybe something happened to you that you've never fully processed. An experience that crossed boundaries you didn't know how to protect. Sex that wasn't fully consensual, or that happened before you were ready to say yes or no. Abuse that's left you feeling disconnected from your body or confused about what healthy sexuality even looks like. These experiences shape how you relate to sex now, but you're not sure how to talk about them or whether they even "count" as trauma.

You worry that something is fundamentally broken about you sexually. You wonder if everyone else just figured this out naturally and you somehow missed the memo. You can't talk openly about sex with anyone, not your partner, not your friends, definitely not your family. The isolation makes everything worse.

This isn't just about what happens in the bedroom.

These struggles seep into everything. They create distance in your relationships. They show up as irritability, withdrawal, or numbness. You might feel like you're living a double life, presenting one version of yourself to the world while carrying this private struggle that no one sees.

You're exhausted from managing it all alone. You're tired of feeling broken. And you're done pretending everything is fine when it clearly isn't.

Imagine a sexuality grounded in presence, not performance

What would it feel like to be present in your body during sex, fully engaged instead of watching yourself from the outside? To feel desire without the undercurrent of anxiety? To experience intimacy that feels genuinely connected rather than performative?

You've probably spent a lot of time thinking about sex. Analyzing what's wrong, trying to logic your way through it, reading articles, watching videos, gathering information. And while understanding helps, it only gets you so far. You can know intellectually what you want or what "should" feel good, but that knowledge doesn't automatically translate into your actual experience.

That's because sexuality isn't just a mental process. It's fundamentally a bodily experience. Sex happens through sensation, arousal, tension, relaxation, pleasure, and connection. When you're disconnected from your body, stuck in your head, monitoring your performance, or bracing against what might happen, you're cut off from the very experience you're trying to have.

Your body needs to feel safe before it can feel pleasure. That's not a personal failing. It's biology. And when safety has been disrupted by shame, past experiences, or relational patterns absorbed early in life, the path back to desire and genuine connection requires more than insight. It requires working with your body, not just your thoughts.

This is where purely cognitive approaches to sexual concerns fall short. They focus on techniques, communication scripts, or changing your thoughts. Those things can help, but if you can't actually feel what's happening in your body, if you can't be present with physical sensations, the rest doesn't matter much.

Some of this work is about building new capacity.

Some of it is about unlearning what was never true to begin with.

Here's how we'll work together:

We'll start by helping you develop embodied awareness. This means learning to notice what's actually happening physically: the sensations, the impulses, the places where you feel open or shut down. As men, most of us have learned to override or ignore our bodies, especially when it comes to sexuality. We're taught to push through discomfort, to stay in control, to not be "too sensitive" to what we're feeling. We'll work on reconnecting with those physical experiences so you can be present instead of performing or avoiding.

As that awareness grows, we'll explore what actually matters to you. Not what you've been told should matter, not what you think you're supposed to want, but what genuinely aligns with who you are. Your values become an inner compass, guiding your choices about sexuality and intimacy. This isn't about following new rules. It's about creating alignment between your behavior and what you truly care about.

Connection becomes possible when you can be present in your body and clear about your values. We'll work on being authentic with yourself first, then with others. This includes understanding boundaries not as walls that keep people out, but as expressions of respect that make real intimacy possible. You'll learn what it feels like to show up as yourself, without the mask of performance or the weight of shame.

We approach all of this with curiosity rather than judgment. Curiosity is what makes it possible to look honestly at patterns, desires, and experiences that shame has kept hidden. It's what creates room for something new to emerge.

Through this work, you can develop a relationship with your sexuality that feels integrated and authentic. One where your sexual choices align with your values. Where you can be vulnerable with a partner without fear of judgment. Where desire is accessible, not something you have to perform your way into. Where you can reconnect with your own desires, beneath the noise of shame and expectation.

This work opens doors you might not have known were possible.

When you begin to reconnect with your body, clarify your values, and approach sexuality with curiosity instead of judgment, something fundamental shifts. You're not just reducing symptoms or managing problems. You're building capacity for aliveness, presence, and genuine connection that may have felt out of reach for years.

Through this work, clients find they can:

  • Experience presence in their body instead of disconnection during sex

  • Reconnect with their own desire, beneath the noise of shame and expectation

  • Feel safe enough in their body to be present with another person

  • Feel confident talking about sex without shame or embarrassment

  • Trust their own desires and boundaries instead of second-guessing themselves

  • Build intimate relationships grounded in authenticity rather than performance

  • Understand how past experiences shaped their sexuality without being defined by them

  • Create sexual experiences that align with their values

  • Reduce anxiety around sexual performance and adequacy

  • Develop compassion for themselves and their sexual journey

  • Access aliveness and vitality through embodied awareness

  • Navigate compulsive patterns with curiosity rather than judgment

You don't have to figure this out alone.

You don't have to carry shame that was never yours to begin with.

You don't have to perform your way into worthiness.

Get Started Today

Questions? I’ve got answers.

Frequently Asked Questions

  • Not at all. Many men seek support to deepen satisfaction, navigate transitions, or address concerns before they become bigger issues. You don't need to be in crisis to benefit from this work.

  • Sex therapy is talk therapy focused on sexuality, intimacy, and relationship patterns. There is no physical contact between therapist and client. We'll talk, explore what's happening in your body and your relationships, and I may suggest practices for you to explore on your own between sessions.

  • Embodiment refers to being connected to your physical experience—the sensations and signals in your body. Somatic work means paying attention to what's happening physically, not just mentally. For sexuality specifically, it means being able to feel what's happening in your body rather than just thinking about it or watching yourself from the outside.

  • Absolutely. People often feel uncomfortable talking about sex. And that silence around sex and sexuality is part of what keeps shame alive. Creating a space where you can talk openly, without judgment, is part of the healing process itself.

  • Yes. Sexual trauma and boundary violations significantly impact how we relate to sexuality and intimacy. My approach includes working with trauma through a somatic lens, which means we can address these experiences in ways that feel safe and paced appropriately for you.

  • Therapy can help you explore your relationship with porn without judgment or pathologizing. We'll look at whether your porn use aligns with your values, how it affects your relationships and sense of self, and whether it's serving you or creating distance from what you actually want.

  • Absolutely. Being single can actually an ideal time to do this work. You can explore your relationship with sexuality without the added complexity of navigating a partner's needs or expectations. Many single men use therapy to understand their patterns in dating and intimacy, work through shame before entering a new relationship, or simply develop a healthier relationship with their own sexuality. The work you do now will directly impact the quality of connections you build in the future.

  • Individual therapy can be incredibly valuable even if you're partnered. Sometimes working on your own relationship with sexuality and shame is exactly what's needed. Other times, couples work might make sense. We can discuss what would be most helpful for your specific situation.